2022 is all about the grind. As such I have come up with a new business and a new business plan. Fortunately for all my readers you are the first to get access to this wonderful opportunity. Strike fast before my rates go up. The time is now. Allow me to explain.
My business is simple – I will be your bookmonger. Your one stop shop for books, novels, monographs, tomes, etc etc. I will recommend, ship, procure, and/or organize your books for you, depending on your needs and wants. Easy as Sunday morning. Not convinced? There’s more.
The pitch – It’s January 9th, 2022. You made a New Year’s resolution to read more books, but the only words you’ve looked at so far this year are the captions on various viral TikToks. You planed on tackling a book a month, but you’re already four seasons into your ninth rewatch of The Office. Needless to say, the progress on that resolution isn’t looking good. It’s not because you can’t read, it’s because there’s too much out there. Or prehaps there are just too many books out there and you are not sure where to start. Also known as decision paralysis. Any of this sound familiar? Well, worry no more. Dylan Shearer, Professional Bookmonger is here. I, for a small and reasonable fee in addition to the cost of materials, will pick out a few books for you. If that is not tempting enough, I am also willing and able to procure said books for you, from non-Amazon sources of course, and ship them to a place of your choosing. In the most extreme cases, I will even come to your place, organize your shelves, and make sure everything is ready for you to fully complete your reading goals for the year.
It doesn’t have to be a one-time only thing either. Looking for a regular reading schedule? Feel free to ask about my “Book of the Month” program, where I select a number of books from a number of various genres for your reading pleasure. This service also optionally includes potential book club questions, and my own services as a discussion leader.
A picture of me with just some of my books
At this point I’m sure you are asking yourself, why should I trust Dylan to choose the books I want to read? What qualifications does he have? Is this one of his weird jokes that goes over my head? Allow me the chance to placate any worries that you might have.
No, this is not a joke. I am more than willing to recommend various funny books for you if that’s up your alley. Glad to clear that up.
My CV. I have been a voracious reader since I first learned what words were and how they work. Not to brag, but in the 5th grade I won the reading contest at my elementary school, which like, that alone should be enough to convince you that my services are worth it. I also used to be able to finish a Hardy Boys book in a single day, which is a pretty big deal. While I have not kept track of every single monograph I have ever read, I can confidently state that I have read well over 1,000 books in my lifetime. Which is a lot. Just over thirty a year.
My other qualifications? I’ve read Infinite Jest and the first couple of pages of Ulysses. I’ve also been to grad school, at two different places! One of which I’m still at. So, I know about reading, baby. In addition to the number of books I’ve read, I’ve also consumed all different types of literature. While I certainly have my own preferences, including science-fiction, history, and fantasy, I am widely read in many genres, and keep up with the much of the latest works. Recommendations straight from the NYT Bestseller list have no space in my business. I have also worked as the last four years as a collegiate-level discussion section leader, and TA, providing me with tons of experience in discussing the written word. So, whatever your preference, be it YA Lit, nonfiction, romance, graphic novels, children’s book, business, mystery, academic monographs, literary fiction, or whatever else, I’m your guy.
But as I’ve learned in my own voyage into the world of the written word, procurement is often the hardest hurdle to overcome in many people’s reading journeys, and so book recommendations are not the only part of my business. I will also act as your Chief Procurement Officer (CPO), for a small fee of course, though far below what a regular C-Suite officer would make. I can provide both new and used copies of books, all purchased from local booksellers, never from Amazon. While I do not yet deal in rare books and other antiquities, perhaps that is an option for the future. Something to keep in mind at least. I can, location permitting, also get them from your local library, dependent of course, upon your having a card to said book depository. I will even teach you how to download e- and audiobooks, if that is your wont, though I will always highly recommend against such things.
While some of my services, including bookshelf organizing, which can be done by author, title, genre, or color, are local only – unless you’re willing to buy me a plane ticket – recommendations and procurement are open to anyone. Just as the worlds available to you in books are vast and limitless, so is my geographical scope for these parts of my new business.
Of course, this is just a quick pitch. I’ve yet to even delve into the wonderful opportunity presented by the Book of the Month club. A new book each month for you to enjoy, as well as the ability to form your own book clubs, get guided discussion questions, or even to have me help lead those discussions, so you can have a more fulfilling interaction with said book. All for a reasonable fee. No need to take my word for it either. Here’s testimony from someone who has already experienced my book club leadership:
“Great job to Dylan for leading such a thoughtful discussion last week! Outstanding job facilitating a conversation where we teased out big themes about the role of government and economics, as well as how that applies to our own lives.” – Mark L.
I can call upon a number of other references that I can guide you too as well, if you have questions.
Perhaps it may seem like I am overpromising. Nothing could be farther from the truth. For all intents and purposes, I live, dream, and sleep books. Nothing would make me happier than to serve you in your quest to greater understand the written word. My rates are low – just ask! – my skills are high, and best of all for you, not yet in demand. There is no greater combo on Earth. Get in while the getting is good.
If you are interested in my services, want to know my rates, or if you have any questions about them whatsoever please contact me at dylan.mshearer@gmail.com, and I promise to get back to you as soon as I possibly can. If you know anyone who would be interested in such a service, please give them my info. My services are also available as a present. If you wish for me to help pick out a birthday gift for someone, or give your partner a nice treat, I can help them as well, no questions asked. I’m serious.