A Recipe For The New Year
I need to be better at inventing recipe names if I want to be the next hot chef
In case no one has done it yet, Dang Dude would like to formally welcome you to the new year. Never before have the stars and planets aligned in such a way with the publishing schedule of this online newsletter. The vagaries of the Gregorian calendar are certainly something to behold. A most momentous occasion and truly an omen of all the good things to come in 2024. In honor of this celestial occurrence, I’ve decided to offer up a recipe for the new year. Not like some bullshit, “Add two splashes of financial planning and a tablespoon of hard work” life advice recipe, but a real recipe that will produce delicious food. My gift to you.
Why a recipe? Well, food is such a big part of New Year’s Eve celebrations, not just in the US, but around the world, that I figured it couldn’t hurt. Also, I don’t love sauerkraut, a traditional dish to eat on New Years Day in the US, so I thought I’d start a new ritual and eat something different on the first day of the year. I know that this is coming out on New Year’s Day so it’s not very helpful, but hey, you probably don’t have to work today. Get off your ass and get to the store!
Happy New Year! It’s such an honor that you’re reading the newsletter! So cool. This is just a reminder to subscribe if you don’t already. It’s easy and all the cool people are doing it. What’s not to love? Always good to support local art!
The only question that remains is, what is the recipe for? Great question. I don’t have a name for it, but let’s call it New Year’s Pork Schnitzel.
Ingredients (For 4 Servings)
Schnitzel:
1 Cup AP Flour (more may be needed)
2 Eggs
2 Cups Panko (more may be needed)
Enough neutral high smoke point oil to cover ¼ of a frying pan
4 Boneless Pork cutlets/chops (If they’re big get two and slice them in half)
Garlic powder (to taste)
Salt (to taste)
Pepper (to taste)
Crushed red pepper (to taste)
Paprika (to taste)
1 Dash Water
Maldon Salt or equivalent finishing salt (optional)
Dressing:
1 Tablespoon Whole-Grain Mustard
1 Tablespoon Mayo
2 Tablespoon Champagne Vinegar
1 teaspoon White Sugar
Salt (to taste)
Pepper (to taste)
1 Shallot
1 Dill Pickle Spear or like 5 Dill Pickle Chips
1 Portobello Mushroom
¼ Head Cabbage (Use Red or Napa if you want to get fancy)
To Serve:
Rice
Chopped Green Onion
Sesame Seeds
Directions:
In a medium bowl combine the mustard, mayo, vinegar, sugar, salt, and pepper for the dressing.
Thinly slice the shallot. Add to the wet ingredients.
Slice the mushrooms into thin batons. Dice the pickles and shred the cabbage as thinly as possible. Do not add to the dressing. Set aside.
Put out three plates. In the first plate put the flour, salt, pepper, paprika, crushed red pepper, and garlic powder. Stir.
Crack the eggs into the second plate. Add a dash of water. Whisk until incorporated.
In the third plate add the panko.
Start making your rice. If you’re using microwave rice you can wait until the end.
Add the oil to your frying pan. Turn your stovetop to medium-high heat. You want the oil to get up into the 350-375 Fahrenheit range. If you don’t have a cooking thermometer, toss a little bit of flour into the oil. If it bubbles up it’s ready.
Take your pork cutlets/chops and pound them until they’re about a ¼” thick. If you don’t have a meat mallet use a rolling pin. This is super important because otherwise they’ll get burned on the outside but not be fully cooked on the inside. Try not to get the pork so thin that it starts to tear.
Once the oil is ready, take a pork cutlet and put it into the flour bowl. Cover both sides with flour and shake off the excess.
Then take the floured pork and lay it into the egg wash. Make sure that there are no dry sides. Let the excess drip off.
Place the egg-washed pork into the panko. Make sure it’s covered in panko.
Place the breaded pork into the hot oil. Cook at about 3 minutes a side, depending on how thick your meat is. Both sides should be well-browned. Take the pork out and place it either on a wire rack or on some paper towels to remove excess oil. If you have any, sprinkle a little Maldon or finishing salt on top. Repeat with all the pork.
My frying pan fits about two pieces at a time comfortably. You don’t want to crowd the pan as the pork will not cook evenly.
Once all the meat is cooked, add the reserved mushrooms, pickles, and cabbage to the dressing and combine.
Serve pork over rice and with the dressing on the side. Top with the sliced green onions and sesame seeds.
You are now guaranteed to have a great New Year!
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