All Hail The Mighty Triceratops
One of these photos is from Jurassic World. I express no regrets about this choice.
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Tyrannosaurus Rex (T. Rex) is the canonical dinosaur. Kids go nuts for them, Jurassic Park is all about the T. Rex, entire museums make having a T. Rex skeleton their whole thing. Ahem, the Field Museum. For most people, the list of dinosaurs they respect starts and ends with the T. Rex. That’s a damn shame.
Dang Dude is tired of this T. Rex supremacy. The T. Rex is fine of course, it’s not a bad dinosaur by any means. There are no bad dinosaurs. Except for the Isisaurus. They can go kick rocks for all I care about the Isisaurus. Get a life! Anyway, the T. Rex is fine, but it’s not the best. Far from it. The best dinosaur, as determined by the entire editorial board of Dang Dude, What the Heck?!? is the noble Triceratops. The thinking person’s dinosaur, the best of the beasts, the number one dinosaur to live in the late Maastrichtian stage of the Late Cretaceous period. I mean, just take a look at this guy:
Wow. A beaut. A real keeper. 10/10 no notes. Look at this honorable creature. No one, and no thing, can top this. Just an all-around dope dinosaur.
In times like these, we humans struggle to express our feelings. Flinch at the prospect of having to convey how cool something is. In this case mere prose cannot do justice to the awesome power inherent in this ‘saur. So, I’ve written a poem in honor of the triceratops. Here it is.
The Triceratops
Once, a noble beast laid claim to these lands
Stomping where it would.
But that was long ago.
When it was alive
It would lay its head to rest, on a simple willow tree.
But that was long ago.
Perhaps it would eat some leaves and twigs
Seeking nourishment.
But that was long ago.
If you could hang lanterns from its horns
It would look beautiful, a symphony of light.
But that was long ago.
Now we just look at its bones, and wonder what it did
How it lived, and who it knew.
Fin.
I hope that helps convey even just a modicum of the amount of respect I have for the Tritop.
Here’s another picture of a triceratops. I know you’ve been jonesing for one.
I perhaps have overstated the amount that the triceratops has been neglected. I have succumbed to the bromide’s curse and gone too far. It is still a pretty popular dinosaur. There’s some in Jurassic Park and I believe one in The Land Before Time. I’m not going to look up to see if there is one, but I’m pretty sure that there is. If there’s not, then they really messed up. Archeologists (I’ve been informed by a reliable source that I meant to refer to paleontologist here. Whatever. They’re the same thing.) have discovered a decent amount of Triceratops skeletons and bones, so most people have seen one. It’s also one of the standard dinosaurs in like a kid’s toy set. People know and love the Triceratops. It just doesn’t have the same amount of juice that the T. Rex has, and I think that’s a dang shame. Predators always get too much love. I won’t read into that, but maybe someone else could. Let my sweet little herding herbivores have some time in the light too you know?
I’m not an archeologist paleontologist, so I can’t tell you anything else about the Triceratops beyond what the Wikipedia page says. Sorry. I really just don’t have the patience, smarts, or rugged good looks required to be an archeologist paleontologist. That type of work is hard. Really hard. The amount that these folks can figure out from a bone chip is just astounding to me. Really impressive stuff. So
So, where the hell is this newsletter going? It already has a poem in it. Can’t really top that. Instead of going on and on, I’ll just end it here with a few words. This planet has been and continues to be host to some amazing creatures. Millions of them. Billions of them. Many of them no longer exist and have not existed for far longer than humans have been around. That’s mind-boggling. Humans are but a blip in the history of the world. Many of these creatures, though certainly not dinosaurs, are extinct or going extinct because of humans. Certainly, looking at a long enough timeline, humans too will become extinct, or evolve to the point where they would be unrecognizable as humans to those of us living in 2022. These future beings will study our remains, and perhaps, just perhaps, write silly little poems about them as well. We will be blamed and derided for all the foolish things that we have done, like killing the dodos off. This is just and the scorn will be deserved. It does not have to be all doom and gloom, however. There is a chance, depending on our actions, and the ways in which we live our lives, for respect. For admiration. For how we saved ourselves from ourselves. That is something worth fighting for. There will be creatures on this planet far beyond our ken, just as we were to dinosaurs. Why not make the world a better place for them?
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