I was looking through my old computer files last night in search of some inspiration for today’s post, as one does. As I tiptoed through the tulips - by which I mean scrolling through a finder window - I came upon this old play that I wrote for theater class. It’s entitled “The Devil’s Rubik Cube,” a pretty cool name for a play if I do say so myself. I read through it and decided to publish it in full on here. Partly because I need some sweet sweet content, but mostly because I think it’s cool. It also marks the only time I ever wrote a short play. I’ve updated it, and fixed a myriad of typos, but the base remains the same. It’s okay at best. Please enjoy.
The Devil’s Rubik Cube
The stage opens up on the outside of a psychiatrist’s office. It’s a nondescript door, in the type of office building that come a dime a dozen in the suburbs. The Devil stands outside the office door. One hand holds an unsolved Rubix Cube and a building map in the other. Throughout the entire play The Devil is fidgeting with the Cube, constantly trying to solve it. The Devil can be played by anyone (He/Him are used as pronouns in the script). The Devil looks and dresses like a normal businessman, no red tail or horns or pitchfork. The Devil talks to himself.
Devil: 222A? 221A. 220B. Where the devil is 220A? Ha ha ha. Ahh yes, there it is. Finally. Should never have designed these things. Too bloody confusing. I guess that was the point. Hoisted on my open petard as they say. Well no dilly dallying. Let’s do this.
The Devil opens the door and walks in.
Secretary: Welcome to Dr. Montgomery’s office. Mister…?
The Devil: Stopheles
Secretary: Ahh yes. Mr. Stopheles. The 3 o’clock appointment. One moment please, the Doctor will see you soon.
The Devil: Thanks Doc. I assume you have a Highlights?
Secretary: It’s right on the table
The Devil: Thank you.
The Devil reads the Highlights for a few moments. The Psychiatrist Dr. Montgomery comes out.
Dr. Montgomery: Mr. Stopheles this way please.
They head down to a richly appointed office. Books line the walls. A couch and a chair are the only pieces of sitting furniture in the room. The Devil takes the couch
The Devil: Can we get going?
Dr. Montgomery: Certainly. It’s your money. We can get started. First question, why are you here?
The Devil: Doctor, I just can’t solve this problem I’ve been having.
Dr. Montgomery: Can you tell me about this problem?
The Devil: Well, lately my life has been like one big never-ending puzzle. One day I’ll figure out one part of it, one side of the problem, but then the next day, I’ll find a new side of the problem, and be right back at square one.
Dr. Montgomery: I see, interesting. These next few questions are just so that I can get a little extra information. On our intake form in the “Job” box, you wrote “hard to explain.” Could you provide a little more detail? Are you some kind of office manager or maybe boss of your own company, some professional job?
The Devil: You could say that. All those would apply, depending on how you look at it. I guess you could say, I’m more of a people person. I help people with their … personal demons. Kind of like what you do but on a much… lower level.
Dr. Montgomery: Ok, so like a professional team builder or some sort of motivational speaker?
The Devil: I certainly use many different types of motivation.
Dr. Montgomery: Uh, okay. Thank you. Going back to this puzzle thing. Do you think it’s your life causing the problems? Your job? Your relationships? Some combo of all three?
The Devil: I don’t really think it’s my job that’s the problem.
Dr. Montgomery: There’s nothing wrong with your job?
The Devil: Well it definitely isn’t as fun as it used to be but otherwise…
DR. MONTGOMERY: Not as fun? Which parts? What changed.
THE DEVIL: I guess, back when I first started working for Styxian International, that’s my company, there were a lot of different characters running around the place. We did good hard work. Fought a few battles. Made a lot of friends going through the fires of hell you might say. Ha ha ha. And it didn’t even matter if we didn’t always win. The fight was the thing that kept us going. But now, after we won more than we lost, everything seems to be the same. There’s no originality, no more real enemies that are up for a fight. Sure we have little skirmishes here and there, but nothing titanic. Nothing apocalyptic. And the worst part is that they keep telling us that a big one’s coming up but that’s never happened. It’s just not the same.
DR. MONTGOMERY: I see, I see, maybe there is something to this job thing. Have you ever thought about a change of pace? Trying something new? Maybe a new company or picking up a hobby?
THE DEVIL: Well I’m currently locked into a pretty exclusive contract with my current employer. And my us, skill set, isn’t exactly transferable. My past record isn’t exactly stellar either.
DR. MONTGOMERY: Trouble with the law?
THE DEVIL: Nothing serious, just a couple of youthful indiscretions and misguided wagers that caught up with me.
DR. MONTGOMERY: Well a hobby certainly could take your mind off of your problem.
THE DEVIL: Yeah, I guess I could try puzzles, or cooking or something.
DR. MONTGOMERY: Uh, I hate to interrupt but our time is up so, same time next week?
THE DEVIL: Same time next week. Thanks so much for the help doc.
Black out
Lights up on two different bedrooms. In one The Devil is pacing around with a phone in his hand waiting for someone to pick up. In the other Dr. Montgomery is in her bed sleeping. Her phone rings several times until she finally goes and answers it.
DR. MONTGOMERY: Yes?
THE DEVIL: It’s me. Mr. Stopheles from yesterday. Sorry to bother you.
DR. MONTGOMERY: It’s 3 in the morning, how did you get this number? I’m not in the habit of taking late night phone calls from new patients.
THE DEVIL: I’m really sorry Doc. It’s just that I’ve been having these dreams lately and I think it might have something to do with my problem. I’ll pay extra.
DR. MONTGOMERY: Sighs and takes out pocket notes from pajamas starts writing Ok, tell me about these dreams of yours.
THE DEVIL: Look doc, I can tell you’re tired, if you just want to talk about it at our next meeting that’s totally fine with me.
DR. MONTGOMERY: No, no. You called me. Its obviously important and I’m already awake, so go ahead.
THE DEVIL: Thanks so much. You’re the best. So this dream I was having. It started off with me at the bottom of a hill, now this hill wasn’t any ordinary kind of hill because it was made of little square blocks. And there was this ball that I had to get to the top of the hill but I couldn’t do it because the blocks kept on shifting around and changing color like some invisible hand was moving them. And then after that my dream switched and I was standing in a pool of water and above me hanging on elastic strings were little forms of the previous mountain and every time I reached for one they moved away.
DR. MONTGOMERY: I see, I see. Uh just a quick question. How much do you know about Ancient Greek mythology? Because your dreams seem to be taking the form of several tortures from the Greek underworld.
THE DEVIL: Well they certainly were some damn good tortures if I say so myself.
DR. MONTGOMERY: Uh… ok. Well, what I would suggest is that you take some Ambien and don’t eat or drink anything too hot before you go to bed.
THE DEVIL: Ok Doc. I’ll try, but I’m not sure about the food. Where I’m at everything is pretty hot.
DR. MONTGOMERY: Uh, okay. Well just do your best. Alright I’ll see you next week
She Hangs up.
Blackout
Lights up on the inside of the office. Dr. Montgomery is at her desk, obviously not expecting anyone. The Devil pops up behind her desk, Rubik’s Cube in hand.
DR. MONTGOMERY: What the!??!! Where did you come from?
THE DEVIL: Oh, did I interrupt anything? I was just admiring the lovely architecture of your city, it’s very early Gothic.
DR. MONTGOMERY: Uh huh, well your appointment isn’t for another three hours so if you wouldn’t mind I have some work to do.
Devil has puppy dog face.
Alright, fine what do you want to talk about? Did you pick up a hobby like I told you to?
THE DEVIL: Oh yea doc I got this great hobby. I was in the cafeteria during work and I was looking around at all the miserable people and thinking to myself, I’m better then these losers, these wackos, these sinners. I deserve more than this. I didn’t leave Halo’s United to come to this place. I mean it’s basically the underbelly of the corporate world. And don’t believe what people tell you about me getting kicked out of Halo’s United. Oh no I left. I was protesting, that’s right I was protesting all the power the Big Boss Man was getting over there. His head was getting so big it was like he had three of them you know? He was getting rid of any and every one in his way, so I left before he could get to me. And then, because he’s so jealous, he had a bunch of his little pricks write a bunch of stories in their little book about how he sent me to a place with weeping and gnashing of teeth and everyone believed him and not me. They didn’t even believe me when I wrote my own book that told my part of the story. And so while I was thinking all that to myself, while I was looking at the losers in the cafeteria, I said to myself why not pick up Bocce Ball? I mean you told me to get a hobby, so I got a hobby what do you think?
Dr. Montgomery: Uh right. So, you chose Bocce Ball? That’s a… good, no great choice. Nothing more interesting than bocce. Are you still having trouble sleeping? Bad dreams still happening? Do you still feel like there’s something wrong? A problem you can’t solve.
THE DEVIL: The dreams aren’t as frequent, but I still feel like there’s this problem chasing me. I still feel tortured and that doesn’t happen to me. Like I said before I haven’t really felt the same since I left Halo’s United and got trashed by everyone over there.
DR. MONTGOMERY: I see, I see. Well I’m going to go out on a limb here, but it seems to me as if you’re in need of some sort of reconciliation, some kind of closure.
THE DEVIL: What do you mean? Do you want me to attack the Big Boss and his company, or break in, or what?
DR. MONTGOMERY: No no, no. Nothing illegal like that. I think you and this Big Boss should have a meeting and work out your problems
THE DEVIL: No no. You obviously don’t understand. He’s a very a busy guy, he has a problem with micromanaging, I mean he built his entire company in 6 days by himself. And let me tell you something about the big man, he has this thing with righteous anger. He can hold a grudge for a long time, a very long time.
DR. MONTGOMERY: You’re just being evasive, give me his number and I’ll set up a meeting if you won’t do it.
THE DEVIL: If you think you can. I’m telling you though, it won’t be easy. Okay, if you insist. His number is 777-772-9377 extension 777. You know he’s not going to want to do it, you probably won’t even be able to get in touch with him. His secretary Gabriel is a real a-hole
DR. MONTGOMERY: Ok then I’ll do it on a wing and a prayer. I’ll call you back when I have the time and place.
THE DEVIL: All right but don’t expect any miracles
Lights down lights up on the dual apartments from before. The Devil is pacing back and forth and Dr. Montgomery picks up phone and dials number. The Devil picks up right away
THE DEVIL: Hello
DR. MONTGOMERY: Uh, Mister S I got some good news. I got you a meeting.
THE DEVIL: Jesus Christ. Really? You got a meeting set up with the big guy? When? Where?
DR. MONTGOMERY: He was a pretty interesting guy. Don’t think anything too big of this meeting. It’s just you two going to John’s Deli for coffee at 3:16 today. Don’t read too much into it okay?
THE DEVIL: 3:16, but that’s in thirty minutes? I can’t possibly get ready in that amount of time. All my good clothes are at the dry cleaners. I have to look presentable! Otherwise he’ll think I’m some bum without a job.
DR. MONTGOMERY: Calm down, you sound like a 6th grader going on a date with their first crush. I’m sure he doesn’t care what you’re wearing or how you look.
THE DEVIL: Ok, you’re right I just need a minute to calm down and breathe. Breathes loudly You know, you’re the best doc. I’ve had a lot of psychiatrists in my time and you’re the only one who’s been any sort of help. I probably should get going where was this place?
DR. MONTGOMERY: It’s across the street from St. Marks’ Cathedral. Now get out there, show him what you’re made of.
THE DEVIL: Thanks so much doc. Puts coat on. Has cube in hand looks down at it, it’s solved, red on all sides. He smiles and puts it down on a cabinet. He opens the door and leaves. lights off, curtain down.
The End