“Nm just chillin.” If you were a teen or young adult sometime between 2005 and 2015 you sent this text multiple times a week, if not a day. A simple phrase, yet one imbued with a multitude of meaning. It could be used to convince your parents that you weren’t up to whatever stupid shit teenage you were getting up to, to let your friends know that you were free to do whatever stupid teenage shit they wanted to do, and to let crushes know that you were available to stop doing whatever stupid teenage shit you were doing, and hang out with them. All of that in just three words.
I guess I should describe what I mean by chilling. Chilling is hanging out. Chilling is having a good time with the squad. Chilling is relaxing and enjoying each other’s presence without having an agenda. Perhaps an example will get this across better. Two days ago I went over to my friend’s place around 2:30. Some other friends were there too. We left around 6:30. During that whole time we just chatted. Didn’t play any games, weren’t watching a game, though the TV was on. Mostly, we just drank a couple of beers, ate some tortilla chips, and chatted. Sometimes there were lulls in the convo, but mostly not. Sometimes there were several small convos going on, sometimes there was one big conversation. That’s chilling.
If you’re reading this you’ve probably chilled in the last couple of months, or, I at least hope you have. Chilling is one of the best things in the world. While I love going to the bar, or to the park, or to watch a movie, or any number of activities with my friends, not much beats a good hang sesh.
One aspect of American life that has particularly bothered me in recent years, though it’s certainly not a new phenomenon, is the idea of “useful leisure time.” The idea that your free time should be spent in ways that “better” yourself. That is, learning new skills, working on a side hustle, networking. All things that are distinctly not leisure. To a certain subset of people, think “grind mindset” folks, just chilling is akin to eating manure. That is, it’s gross, and it’ll kill you. For these folks everything you do, whether it’s work, play, or rest, should be productive and active. This is a dangerous and unhealthy mindset.
There is a longer history here, workers across the United States, fought, like literally fought, no metaphors here, for the right to eight hours for work, eight hours for sleep, and eight hours to do as we will. That last bit is important. The eight-hour workday wasn’t just about work. it was also about leisure, time to relax, to recuperate, to enjoy life. Until the eight-hour workday become less of a rarity and more common, leisure time was largely for the rich. Certainly, workers and laborers found time for leisure and relaxation, but it was hard to come by and there were not as many opportunities for them as there were for more wealthy people. This had an effect on both the physical and mental health of many people. And it still does. Working long days, even in jobs that are not super physically or mentally demanding, takes a toll. We need time to recover from the stress of daily life.
Chillin isn’t just about recuperating and relaxing, though that is a big part of it. It’s also just fun. It’s a good way to make sure you’re keeping up on your friend’s lives, it’s a good sounding board for whatever things you’ve been thinking about, and one of the best ways to make new friends. When you’re doing nothing but chatting for a couple of hours, you get new inside jokes, new book recs, new jokes, and new stories. All of this stuff is good, for making connections and deepening those already in place. It’s also cheap, which is a bonus in and of itself.
Part of me feels weird defending the idea of hanging out. And maybe I’m setting up a strawman here. It wouldn’t be the first time. But I think I do see a trend of friend groups, especially of people my age, shying away from just hanging out and pivoting to “doing activities” instead. I once again feel the need to reiterate the fact that I think doing activities is fun and fine. I just don’t think that it should be all you do. There should be space to just like enjoy each other’s company, without having to do other stuff. And I see a strain of people in the United States who are against that idea. That’s ridiculous.
Don’t really have anything deeper here. I’m writing this on a Sunday and am about to go hang out with some of the bros. We’ll probably have the football games on in the background, but mostly it’ll just be chillin. I can’t wait.