Before I get started, I just want to give a shoutout to my paid subscribers. You all rock! I’ve been doing this for over three years and it’s crazy that people still read! If you also want to be cool as hell you can do a paid subscription below. Writing these things takes time and effort, and a little money makes these easier to do. It’s probably the chillest thing you can do and helps me keep Dang Dude going. Also, it’s cheap! Also, I want to thank the rest of you that signed up to get these newsletters from me. It’s super awesome to have so many people support my writing! Let’s get even more people involved! Tell your friends, tell your family, get everyone to sign up for this! They’ll love it!
Columbo is a perfect piece of television. Airing originally in 1971, no TV show has ever topped this detective series in terms of quality. Some have gotten close, but no one has ever beaten it. I highly recommend you start watching immediately. It’s on Peacock for free with ads.
Starring Peter Falk, Columbo is a detective show that is more about the detective than it is about the crime. Each episode revolves Columbo trying to solve a murder. The catch is that the audience knows who the murderer is the entire time. Mostly you’re watching to see how Columbo figures it out. And he always figures it out. I hear there’s one episode where he doesn’t, or can’t prove it at least, but that is the exception that proves the rule.
Each Columbo episode is anywhere from 70-90 minutes long, making them feel almost like shorter movies than TV shows. They’re also very different than most of what is currently available in the realm of police procedural. Columbo doesn’t carry a gun, there aren’t shoot-outs, and almost 100% of the time the criminal gives themselves up when confronted with the evidence. There also aren’t Columbo character arcs where like he gets addicted to coke, gets a divorce, or has to pay off mob debts, or whatever. Hell, there aren’t even season long “big bad” type stories either. Columbo is just Columbo.
Peter Falk plays the role to a T as well. Falk’s Columbo is a schlubby guy who seems unaware of how the world works, bumbling his way through every encounter he has. This is all a front, of course, as Columbo uses his schlubbiness to distract the murderers into giving up some vital clue, some piece of information that will crack open the case. Falk is a good enough of an actor to make it work. It’s a hard line to ask an actor to walk, to portray a character like that. Someone who is in part, hiding how smart they are from the rest of the room. Falk sells it well, making Columbo not an over-the-top Mr. Magoo type fool, but more of a loveable grandpa-type who knows how to stick in the knife exactly when it’s needed.
Best of all, Columbo moves slow. The directors and the writers are not afraid to let things breathe. Most of the time Columbo doesn’t even show up until 20-30 minutes into an episode. No quick cuts here, long takes are the name of the game. Scenes don’t start in the middle, but rather slowly develop. Enticing the viewer in. The show also looks great, with close attention being paid to set design and location scouting. A pre-fame Steven Spielberg even directed the first episode. Not relevant, but cool, nonetheless. I can’t really understate how leisurely this series is. In a modern TV show, no one shows people picking up the phone, they usually either state they had a conversation, or just show snippets of the call. Columbo shows the whole thing, from dialing the number, to picking up the phone, to going through the whole call, etc etc etc. It’s beautiful to watch.
The world of Columbo is an upper-middle class/upper class one. The murders are almost always of the petty revenge type and/or business related. In the episodes I’ve recently watched a rare wine dealer, an advertising executive, and a theater producer have all been murdered. This are not sordid tales of drug dealers and gang members murdering each other. I guess it feels like at this point that I’m going to explore Columbo’s political views or whatever. I’m not going to do that. It's a TV show from the 70’s/80’s and I just don’t really give a shit. If someone wanted to write that blog I’d probably read it, but I am not going to write it. I just like it when Columbo nabs the rich bad guy while looking like someone who just slept in their car for the last 48 hours. It rules.
The key thing with Columbo is that most of the time it’s the bad guys who get themselves caught. Columbo isn’t some sort of superhuman being who is like extra good at finding clues, or whatever. He just asks normally questions and then the murderer ties themselves into knots trying to answer them, usually giving themselves away in the process. More often than not, Columbo can’t even solve the original crime and has to wait until the perp commits a second sloppier crime, which he then pounces on. There are no crazy leaps of logic, no special facts that only Columbo knows, no weird “master at reading facial tics” stuff, just plain old asking questions.
If all this isn’t enough to get you to watch Columbo than I don’t know what else to tell you. Other than that Falk also played the Grandfather in Princess Bride and if don’t want to see that guy solving crimes, than I don’t know what you like. Check it out!
Like what you read? Please share!