Tangerine, Yeah, I Call Her Sweet And Sour

Don't think about this too hard otherwise it might start making sense. Which would be bad.

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Hot Shower is a dumb song. Recorded by Chance the Rapper as part of his newest album, Big Day, Hot Shower clocks in at 3:47. Featuring guest verses from DaBaby and MadeinTYO it is the stupidest song on the whole album. Just straight up dumb. This doesn’t make it bad. Just dumber than the time I thought it’d be funny to show my mom the music video for “Smell Yo Dick.” It’s also the best song on the record.

Music has a long history of dumb songs that are bangers. Eine kleine Nachtmusik is stupid and goes. Ludacris’ Get Back slaps and is very dumb. Paint it Black is Capital D Dumb and goes so hard that no movie can resist putting it in their trailer. Hell, the entire genre of hair metal began as an experiment to see just how dumb popular music could get.

It makes sense that so many successful songs would exhibit such stupidity. Despite what Tool fans say, the best music hits that dumb lizard part of our brains and sinks its teeth in. The lizard part of our brain, a specific and real region of the brain that exists according to science, loves dumb shit. It can’t get enough. The reason people love the bass line in “Pony”? Lizard brain. The reason people followed the entire career of Afroman? Lizard brain. The reason that “We Will Rock You” goes so hard? Our dumb, dumb lizard brains.

So what makes a song dumb? It’s hard to say. But similar to how it’s immediately obvious who farted, it is very easy to tell when you hear it. Taking a closer look at Hot Shower should help clear it up a little.

Why Hot Shower is Dumb:

The Fucking Beat

If you’ve been listening to rap at all for the last couple years the second you hear this beat you should have let out a hearty “Dang Dude, What the Heck.” Despite that being the name of this particular newsletter, a joke crutch I’ve now used twice, this beat is like a million years out of place. It sounds like a bottom barrel pre-Black Album Jay-Z beat. This is a beat the Beastie Boys refused to use on To The 5 Boroughs, which is a vicious burn in case you were wondering. This beat came pre-made with the first version of GarageBand. It is a 1994-ass NYC beat. And yet. And yet. And yet. You can’t get it out of your head. This beat is an earworm from the Illmatic cutting floor sent to destroy us all. It just sits there all skittery snares and computer hand claps doing nothing but getting stuck in your head for the rest of your life. The perfect dumb beat. It’s not trying to be cool, or fun, or ground-breaking. It just is.

That Damn Chorus

Hot damn, hot water, hot shower / Hotlanta, smoking green, cauliflower / Tangerine, yeah, I call her sweet and sour / And my lawyer say it's urgent, I'ma call him in a hour

Like a lot of the best dumb songs, this song is nominally about drugs, specifically marijuana. As with all the best dumb songs, it essentially just combines words that sound good together. It doesn’t really make any sense, but because it’s a dumb song it doesn’t need to. All of these individual words are sort of related and are fun as hell to say out loud. It ends with a killer punchline, that while seemingly wildly unrelated to the rest of the song and chorus in general, is a funny thing to brag about. Also, is “cauliflower” a type of weed? Are we to assume Chance is getting high in the hot shower? Which we know is hot because the water hot. Thank god Chance repeats it otherwise I wouldn’t have known. But this is the joy of a dumb song. I don’t have to understand what the hell is going on. It doesn’t matter. It’s cool as hell to say.

DaBaby’s Bonkers Verse

DaBaby is new rapper on the rise delivering incredible guest verses at an blistering rate. This is an amazing one.

I get in, fake ID, I'm McLovin it (Yeah) / BDB ENT like the government (What?) / Except for the cops (Who?), mission impossible / Strapped with the Glock, Danny Gloverin'

I mean lol. C’mon. The perfect dumb line possible. Referencing Superbad, an 11-year-old movie? Check. Asking who the cops are? Great. Referencing a movie made in 1996 and one in 1987? Even better. There are also some other good bits in here that are just as dumb, but more vulgar and my parents read this so I’m not gonna quote ‘em, but just listen to the song. You’ll know what I’m talking about. Chance’s verses are dumb as well. But DaBaby really brings it home.

Chance’s Delivery

Chance is known for his various yawp’s, half-singing, and his vocal dexterity in general. Instead of using all those talents, in this case he switches between a half-bored monotone and yelling his verses. The yelling is seemingly in case someone doesn’t realize he’s delivering a punchline. There’s no reason for any of this other than that it’s dumb. And because of this it works. And inexplicably, it does. It should be wildly annoying. He’s hitting the rhymes like Macklemore trying out for an 8 Mile reboot. But even though he’s doing his best impersonation of a Ad-Rock solo track it’s just dumb enough to work.

“Hot Shower” is dumb. It’s the kind of song you hate, then love, then hate again, then finally realize it is brilliant in its stupidity. It’ll be here forever. The best way to describe this song is that it’s like sitting in a bowl of “what the hell is happening” for 3 minutes. It’s definitely the most memorable song on the whole album. I’ve been listening to it for the last 30-minutes while writing this and need to turn it off before my brain turns into a bigger bowl of mush than it already is. Check it out.

What are your other dumb songs? I want to listen to all of them.