Watching the 2023 Philadelphia Phillies play baseball is akin to listening to Chappelle Roan’s 2022 smash “Femininomenon.” Both have a herky-jerky start, an incredible finale, and a coda that leaves you slightly disappointed yet wanting more.
The beginning of the season, full of hope for so many, did not go as the Fightins’ planned. Trea Turner, their most recent superstar signee, had raked in the World Baseball Classic, but when the regular season came around could not hit the ball even if a pitcher had placed in on a tee for him. Bryce Harper, coming back from a UCL injury, lost his power stroke a couple of weeks into the season. Nick Castellanos forgot how to hit home runs. Kyle “The Schwarbarian” Schwarber batted under .200 for most of the season. Due to a run of injuries they had to play a bunch of AAAA guys in the outfield. Star pitcher Aaron Nola had one of his down years. Despite all the bad breaks, the Phils managed to keep their heads above water, posting a 48-40 record at the half, but no one thought it was a good 48-40.
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To keep the metaphor going, the All-Star Break was the part in the song where Chappell Roan says “Dude, can you play a song with a fucking beat?” The Phillies answered that call. Turner remembered how to hit the tar off the ball, Harper pounded ten home runs in August, Castellanos unbuttoned his shirt a little more, and Schwarber continued to hit under .200. They made the playoffs, beat the Braves, the Marlins, and were one win away from making the World Series. Then, just like how Roan ends her song with a slow fadeout, the Phillies ended their season by losing to the upstart Diamondbacks, leaving their fans wanting more.
That was last season though. A hundred-some days ago. The distant past. Practically the Middle Ages. Akin to the cave paintings in Lascaux, the Great Pyramids, that sort of thing. The joy of a new season of baseball is that any team could do anything. Even the most jaded fan can convince themselves that the desultory A’s, putrid Red Sox, or lachrymose Rays could pull off a few upsets at the beginning of the season and then before the trade deadline buy their way into playoff contention. They won’t, but they could. It’s that pesky little could that keeps people coming back.
The Phillies did not make many moves this offseason, despite not making it to the World Series. This is a risky move. Everyone on the team is, thanks to the laws of time, a year older. In baseball, this can be the difference between life and death. Knee ligaments can give out, reflexes can slow just enough, and eyes can get worse just by a fraction of a hair. All of that has the potential to spell doom for a player. An additional year can also give a batter an edge, increased pitch recognition abilities, better plate discipline, and a tighter swing. It’s hard to tell what will happen. The Phillies are betting on the team getting better by staying the same. I hope it works.
The Phillies play in the NL East, one of the more competitive divisions in baseball. At the moment the Atlanta Braves are the Phillies’ biggest competitors in the division. They have lots of homegrown talent, work with a competent manager and general manager, and spend big to keep their best pitchers and batters around. The last few seasons they’ve been dominant in the regular season, winning over 100 games in both 2023 and 2022. They look poised to continue that success this year. The problem for the Braves is that they have not been able to turn their regular season wins into deep playoff runs. The last two years the Phillies beat them in the divisional series by the Phillies.
The New York Mets are The Phillies’ only other real competitor in the division. After being bought by billionaire Steve Cohen the team went on a big spending spree in an attempt to return to their 80s and 90s glory but fell far short of the mark in 2023. The team fell apart by the halfway mark last year and did not recover. As a Phillies fan, it was great to watch. Schadenfreude is a hell of a drug.
The other two teams in their division, the Washington Nationals and the Miami Marlins have done nothing of note since 2019 when the Nationals won the World Series. Since then both teams have been bottom dwellers, their ownership content collecting profit-sharing money and keeping salaries artificially low. The Marlins will occasionally make the playoffs, but not do anything. They’re there to provide easy wins for the rest of the teams. A nice little break in the schedule. The Washington Generals of the NL East, if you’ll allow the mixed sports metaphor. Why teams are allowed to be so bad on purpose is a different question, but the answer is basically “money,” as it so often is.
Outside of the Braves and the Mets, Philadelphia’s biggest problem right now, put perfectly by writer Kelsey McKinney in the 2024 edition of Baseball Prospectus, is that they are a vibes team. When their vibes are good, they are unbeatable. They hit home runs every other at-bat, throw strikeouts with aplomb, and groove to a Spotify playlist made by their backup catcher called “Phils Win 🕺.”[1] When the vibes are bad, they are worse than even the despicable Colorado Rockies. They can’t hit, can’t field, can’t throw a strike to save their lives. This is not great for long-term success. Vibes are a fickle and inconsistent thing. On the other hand, it does make the Phillies a very fun team to watch. They’re full of young goofy dudes who have a good time together. The youngest players on the team call themselves “daycare,” and commit “daycare crimes,” like pouring water on team members who get interviewed after the game. What’s not to like?
I guess I’ve just made this whole thing a pitch for why you should watch the Phillies when the regular season starts on March 28th. They need people to send the good vibes their way. Oh, and listen to Chappell Roan. Great shit.
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[1] Seriously. You can listen to it here: