The Garden of Earthly Delights? More Like the Garden of Fartly Termites imo
Paintings? What the heck is this guy talking about? PAINTINGS?!?!?
Sup Kings and Queens
Paintings freaking rule. Somehow not everyone likes paintings, but that’s a problem for another time. Today I’m talking about some damn art that friggin rocks. Four paintings in particular. Harald Sohlberg’s Fisherman’s Cottage (1906), Jacopo Chimenti aka Jacopo de Empoli’s Portrait of a Noblewoman Dressed in Mourning (1577-79), Hieronymus Bosch’s The Garden of Earthly Delights (1490-1500), and Jay DeFeo’s (Mary Joan DeFeo) The Annunciation (1957/59). All these paintings slap. Three out of four of these paintings reside at the Art Institute of Chicago so if you want to check ‘em out and you are my average reader, it’s pretty easy to do so. The other one is in Madrid. Also sign up for the emails you heathens. Just click the button.
Fisherman’s Cottage – Harald Sohlberg (1906)
Damn. This one makes me feel like if I was a dog that was the same breed as Lassie who was known for eating ripe cantaloupes. Melon-collie is what I’m saying. But for real, I want to live in this house, but also just kinda sit by the window and cry in it too, ya know? The original painting has these kind of cracks you can’t really see in this picture except for in the trees to the far center left a little bit. They give it a feeling of like bittersweet nostalgia. Seems like a sweet place to go on vacation. The kind of cabin that probably has ghosts living there that are scary but like not that scary. Sohlberg is Norwegian so that makes sense cause mildly freaky ghosts is kinda Norway’s vibe.
Portrait of a Noblewoman Dressed in Mourning – Jacopo Chimenti aka Jacopo de Empoli (1577-79)
I can’t tell if this lady is sad or not. Seems like not. Which makes me think she killed whoever she’s mourning for. Pretty badass imo. To merc someone and then get a portrait of yourself after you did it. This is a pretty big painting irl which is cool cause it also looks like she’s got a mild case of indigestion and I just like the idea of a big ass portrait of someone who has the runs. Very good use of the painter’s time imo. Not that there was much else to do in the 1500’s other than like pray, die of the plague and harvest wheat. Unless you’re like me and understand that Assassin’s Creed is real and everyone was going around trying to find ancient artifacts and holding secret meetings in the Duomo. Then there was a lot to do. But back to the picture. This lady has no discernible middle but is holding a book, which can only mean one thing, she’s a Leo. Also that’s a dope hood.
The Garden of Earthly Delights – Hieronymus Bosch (1490-1500)
This one is a triptych. Which means three tych’s. Honestly someone funnier than me (probably my dude Adrian) could like go subject by subject in this picture and do a joke for each of them. But that’s too much work and I’d probably end up doing a thing where I combine a bunch of them into one to save some time. But anyway, this one is cool too because its got people hanging out with bigass sparrows and beetles and shit. And some sweet pink and blue buildings that probably represent some like ancient Christian heretical sect like Marcionism or whatever. This one also makes me feel a little sad too cause in the third tych there is a dude without an ass as well as a pair of ears with a knife in between them and that’s spooky in a bummer way. Also Jesus is the only one in this painting wearing clothes. C’mon my dude lighten up a bit, join the party. Hang out with the pig dressed as a nun. Take a load and those duds off my man.
The Annunciation – Jay DeFeo (Mary Joan DeFeo) 1957/59
Dang Jay don’t hurt ‘em. This is what I said to myself when I first saw this painting (that’s a lie, what I really said was nothing because I was by myself in an art museum). But like that would have made sense to say in other situtations. This painting looks like an angel, or a mountain or a glacier or a large whale, or something I’m too dumb to understand. It, like apparently every other damn painting, also makes me feel a little sad. Real “the universe is bigger than me and doesn’t give a shit” vibes coming outta this one. But like in a cool way so it’s not that big of a deal. The universe isn’t gloating about it you dig? Also because I’m a worm-brained idiot I also think it could inspire like a cool Halo level or something. Imagine storming down toward the black area from the white hills freaking guns ablazing? It’d be pretty lit. More video games should just like copy scenes from paintings is what I’m trying to say.
Dang dude art sure is pretty sweet huh? What the heck? (SEE WHAT I DID THERE? THAT’s THE NAME OF THE NEWSLETTER. And now I can’t use that joke anymore). It can make you feel sad but like in a bunch of different ways. The hack thing to do here is to say that dudes can’t feel feelings like that. But whatever, art freaking rocks man. Shit whips.
Also here’s a funny video cause I promised them, and I keep my promises.