The Greater Logan Square Burger Review
Today we have a special guest author, the great Elizabeth “Munch” Makuch! Elizabeth, a culinary jongleur has traveled the whole of Chicago singing the praises of every burger she finds. Thankfully for us, she decided to bring her prose to the humble Dang Dude, What the Heck? offering a list of some of the best burgers around. I am pleased and honored to have Elizabeth writing for us today! Enjoy!
First of all, I want to thank the Dang Dude himself, legendary weekly newsletter-ist, grill&chill master, AND ‘marytrdorm in unions’ scholar, Dylan, for inviting me to be a featured guest on this week’s newsletter! It’s the honor of a lifetime.
I think of myself as somewhat of a burger expert. In the way that I love cheeseburgers and have loved them all my life! I was invited here to share my thoughts on burgers in the city and there are a lot! So in classic Chicago fashion, we’re sticking to a neighborhood review - The Greater Logan Square Burger Review to be exact. P.S. Do not come for my grammar. Thank you.
Let’s roll.
Red Hot Ranch !!!
Red Hot Ranch (RHR for short) takes the top spot because this place is Chicago at its best. A small cash-only shack under the Blue line. It’s open late and always delicious. Getting a burger and fries at Red Hot Ranch is an experience. The burger and fries come wrapped in paper and packed in a brown bag that quickly has grease oozing out the side. If you get a hotdog and fries, the fries come wrapped up, nestled next to the hot dog. It’s very cute. You can take it to go or take it out back to eat at one of the picnic tables in the parking lot under the train outside. The train is loud and everytime it goes by, you’ll have to stop talking with your friends and wait for it to pass. Sort of a beautiful thing. For me, part of the greatness of a good burger IS the ambiance of it all. The paper wrapping, perfect fries, rattling train, and crispy, juicy burger all part of goodness that is Red Hot Ranch.
Over in this area, late-night can be hard to find. RHR is the oasis in the late-night desert. But don’t get me wrong, I’d happily stop by during the day for a summertime lunch. It’s an especially fun place to take out-of-towners looking to enjoy a Chicago establishment, or for ordering two burgers and fries to-go, tossing them in your backpack, and hopping on your bike to picnic by the lake.
The beauty and magic of the Red Hot Ranch burger is that it lasts. It’s top tier crispy on the outside with a tasty, rich but not too heavy, melty cheese’d, special sauce’d oozing bite. I’d compare the RHR burger to a Five Guys burger, a reliably delicious double smash burger with special sauce, LTO. Shoutout to Five Guys, which I do love. Obviously not a local Logan Square spot, so not in the rank, but it does give context for the kind of burgers I like!
All in all Red Hot Ranch is the spot and it is @ewmrocks approved.
Now the next ranks may be dicey. Some of these burgers I may have not had in a while, but had a lasting impression or I’ve only had once. So, I can’t guarantee it’s always as good as the time I had it. So take the rank aspect lightly, it’s pretty arbitrary at this point.
The StopAlong
This place is the reason for the ‘greater’ in the title ‘The Great Logan Square Burger Review’. We had to make a boundary extension to slot in StopAlong because it rocks!! The burger is SO good! It’s a double smash burger, loaded with LTO and special sauce. The patties are crisped on the outside and reach beyond the sides of the bun. The burger here is more substantial than the RHR and I’d say heavier. I couldn’t imagine a bike ride after this burger. The fries here are crispy and delicious. As the name suggests, StopAlong really is the perfect place to stop, right on Milwaukee Ave and under the 606. I’d recommend it as a winter spot because there’s limited outdoor seating. It has a vibrant, colorful, comic book inspired interior that provides a needed serotonin boost after the winter walk or bus ride over.
@ewmrocks approved
Moonlighter
I’ve had this burger many times and always like it. It’s been a little while, so I hope nothing has changed, but I think it’s great reliable smash burger and it’s always a fun time in there. A perfect place to catch March Madness, a Michigan game, or other sport, but if you’re just there for a burger it’s still a great.
@ewmrocks approved
Gretel
Unlike the casual spots named above, Gretel is a more upscale restaurant with a nicely stocked bar as its centerpiece. It’s another good spot for trudging through a cold winter night to roll up for a delicious, rich, griddled burger with thick patties, pickles, cheese, special sauce topped with a nice sesame seed bun.
@ewmrocks approved
All in all in turns out this burger review is mostly a love letter to Red Hot Ranch with shoutouts to other great burgers in town. The thing about burgers is there are many kinds, with different bites for varying vibes. And we love that. I also want to take a moment to give Longman and Eagle honorable mention. It has an excellent burger, but when I go there I often want to try other things, so it is not on the list. But it is not personal, and it is @ewmrocks approved.
Thanks again to Dylan for letting me share my thoughts here! I am a loyal, almost weekly, reader and proud dang dude-r or are we readers ‘what-the-heck-ers’? Share your thoughts in the comments!
- Munch
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