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*This post has been updated from it’s original version.*
Like it or not the Christmas season is here. Or to put it better, has been here. Lights have gone up, stores decorated, and most importantly, radio stations have switched to running their Christmas formats. Chicago’s 93.9 The Lite switched to their holiday format back in the first week of November. I don’t hate it that much honestly. As much of a Grinch as I may seem, I can get down with some Christmas music. “Some” is, of course, the operative word in that last sentence. There are many Christmas songs, most of which receive major play on the radio, that I absolutely despise. “White Christmas,” “God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman,” and “The Little Drummer Boy,” to name a few. Maudlin, hokey bullshit, these songs give Christmas jams a bad name.
Fortunately for my readers, I’ve made a playlist of the only Christmas songs worth listening to. Click on this link to listen. Or, I guess, since some of these are not specifically Christian, “Holiday songs” works fine here. Either way, this is a perfect playlist, short and sweet, for those who wish they could skip past all the endless dreck stations such as The Lite spin during the days between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day and get to the good stuff. It clocks in at 23 songs, spanning one hour and five minutes. I first made this playlist on November 27th, 2017. Since then, I have only added six new songs. The most recent inclusion occurred on November 27th, 2019. Clearly, it’s an exclusive list. Only the best survive.
I guess I have to include a caveat here. I once had a competition with my girlfriend over who had the best Christmas song playlist. In a single blind test, an impartial judge awarded her the win. I still think mine is better, but in the interest of fairness you can find her playlist here. It’s fine.
Okay, back to my list. The songs fall into roughly four categories: Real Churchy Shit, Instrumental Stuff, Radio Classics, and New Bangers. Of course, as with all taxonomic projects there are problems of classifications. A lot of these could be in multiple categories. In particular, the margins between the Real Churchy Shit and Classical Stuff categories are, ontologically speaking, paper thin. If you have problems with any specific placements, you are always more than welcome to provide suggestions. I will ignore them, but you can always try.
Enough preamble here are the songs. I won’t put a little note about each one. You’re welcome.
Real Church-y Shit
These are the songs that you hear when your mom makes you go to Christmas Eve service. Weirdly enough for someone who was raised Mennonite, there is a lot of REAL Catholic stuff here. The Catholics really get Christmas you know? WASPs, just think they do. There are lots of different versions of these songs, so go to the playlist to find the right ones.
1. Liturgical Chants: 2. Four Spiritual Songs: Christmas Song
2. Messiah, HWV 56 Pt. 1: For Unto Us A Child Is Born
3. Gruber: Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht
4. Bach, JS: Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben, BWV 147: Chorale. “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desire”
5. Ding Dong! Merrily On High
Orchestral Shit
These songs aren’t specifically church hymns, at least as far as I know, but can’t really be called Radio Classics, though they do get some radio play. Most of them are pretty orchestral, or at least heavy on the jazz. You probably played them, very poorly, during a middle school band concert. Fortunately, when professionals play them, they’re good.
1. Sleigh Ride
2. The Nutcracker – Chinese Dance
3. The Nutcracker – Russian Dance
4. Linus and Lucy
5. Christmas Time Is Here
6. Carol of the Bells – John Williams version
The Boar’s Head - The Chieftans. Thank you to Laura Miller for recommending this to me. A very good Christmas song. *Not on original list.*
Radio Classics
If she’s had enough eggnog, these songs will convince your grandma to tell you about the time she had a chance with Dean Martin during a girl’s trip to Vegas. Just kidding. Maybe. Ask your grandma about it sometime. Anyway. These are the HITS. The ones that flood the airwaves from now until the Hallmark Channel chills the hell out on their Christmas movies. You know these bad boys backwards and forwards. These are the good ones. As with the others, the versions I’m talking about specifically are the ones in the actual playlist.
1. You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
2. Christmas Eve / Sarajevo 12/24 – Instrumental
3. Ring Christmas Bells
4. It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
5. Santa Baby
6. Do They Know It’s Christmas? – Yes, I know this song is VERY PROBLEMATIC. Like VERY. Am I gonna take it off? No! It’s a hit.
7. Wonderful Christmastime
New Bangers
These songs, while many of them do receive radio play, aren’t the traditional Christmas songs. Well one of them probably is, but that’s still semi-up for debate, so I’ll allow it. These are probably the most divisive songs on the list. In fact, I’m more than sure that a lot of people reading this will HATE some of these songs. Whatever. They’re wrong! They’re all good. A few of them are covers of classics, so in that case I’m talking about these specific interpretations of them and I’ve included the musicians for all of them.
1. I Won’t Be Home For Christmas – Blink-182
2. All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey. This song is probably a Radio Classic by this point, but I still like to think of it as new, so it’s in this category.
3. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town – Bruce Springsteen Live at C.W. Post College
4. Mele Kalikimaka – Kacey Musgraves
5. Last Christmas – Lucy Dacus
This is it. The only good Christmas songs. If someone sends me one that they like I’ll listen to it and consider adding it to the list. If I do, I’ll update this post. But be warned, I most likely will NOT add it to the list. I’ve listened to A LOT of Christmas music and have found most of it wanting. So don’t expect me to just add something willy-nilly. Unless you’re a paid subscriber than I’ll add that shit like it’s nothing.
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I would add This Christmas by Donny Hathaway and Louisiana Christmas Day by Aaron Neville!
And if you were making a best Christmas albums list, I'd include Emmylous Harris's Light of the Stable and The Chieftains's Bells of Dublin!
You must listen to all of these start to finish. Deal's a deal https://youtu.be/xam01uaj6Vg and this one https://youtu.be/I-iFsxSNN2c also. https://youtu.be/LMHqcK2m5Qo.