Top Ten Shakespeare Plays

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

William Shakespeare aka Willy Shakes aka The Bard aka the ur-will.i.am aka W to the SP aka every high school freshman’s favorite soporific is considered the greatest playwright of all time by people who think about that sort of thing. He wrote a bunch of plays, thirty-four depending on who you ask, a bajillion really horny sonnets, and a lot of other stuff that nobody but Shakespeare nerds cares about. People still adapt his plays constantly, for the stage, for the cinema, and for the pages of horrible zines. Pretty much every American public and private schooler has at least glanced at some sort of Shakespeare text. Universities hire new Shakespeare scholars all the time. Whole cities - I’m looking at you Stratford-upon-Avon - revolve around Shakespeare-based tourism. Despite dying in 1616, this dude still gets around.

All that and I have not even gotten to the conspiracy theories about him! Some people think that Shakespeare’s plays were written by someone else, only partly by him, or by a combination of people. There is all sorts of waffle out there about that man. Dang Dude doesn’t stand for any of that tripe! You heard it here first, folks.

But this isn’t about that. This is about ranking the top ten best Shakespeare plays, empirically. This list is 100% accurate. Literally no room for argument here. Also, The Tempest would have been 11th, for the name “Sycorax” alone.

10. Romeo and Juliet

At its core, this play is about two teenagers doing dumbass teenager shit. Sure, it’s dressed up in fancy language, but that’s just frippery. There’s a reason that so many pop bands include lyrics about it in their songs.[1] It’s so wildly emo that I’m a little surprised that there are scene kids from the 2000s without R&J tattoos. Truly a miracle. Anyway, this play is good, though it would be better if literally every character was not a full-on idiot. Get a grip! Learn how to check a pulse for goodness sake!

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9. The Taming of the Shrew

The moral of this play is that “women do be like that sometimes.” This is one of the more controversial Shakespeare plays as the plot revolves around a man (Petruchio) trying to “tame” a “shrew”/woman (Katherina), to make her more palatable/lovable. Depending on how you read the ending, Petruchio either succeeds or is fooled by Katherina into thinking that he succeeded. As with basically every single Shakespeare play, there are a million different arguments about whether it’s sexist or not. It probably is, but more to the point, it spawned one of America’s greatest single contributions to cinema, 10 Things I Hate About You. So, it gets on the list for that alone. Plus, the play itself is funny.

8. Hamlet

The whole idea of the second half of Hamlet is very funny. It boils down to a bunch of dudes putting on a play that ends up killing a bunch of people. Sounds like a bad Stephen King novel imo. Really the reason that this play ends up so high on the list is because it is fun to watch “serious” actors give themselves aneurysms during the “To be or not to be” monologue. They put their whole actussy into it. Give it a rest! Also, we got the characters of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern from this, so it can’t be that bad.

7. Much Ado About Nothing

Personally, I love a play that is entirely based on puns. So many of Shakespeare’s plays are about people misunderstanding words. Which is sort of funny to think about. Just a world full of people who believe they are never wrong. The whole central conflict would be fully resolved if any single character ever just asked anyone to repeat themselves. Seinfeld learned a lot from Shakespeare.

6. Othello

The only Shakespeare play to have a board game named after it. At least I’m assuming there isn’t a game out there named after Carolinus or whatever. This play is wild because when it was performed it was FULL of blackface. NOT GOOD! That doesn’t happen now, which is very much for the best.[2] Historical representations aside, Othello truly has some meaty roles, particularly that of Othello, Emilia, and Desdemona. Also, the parrot in Aladdin is named after a character in this play. So that’s fun. It’s also basically the same plot as Much Ado About Nothing but sad.

5. King Lear

Finally, a play for old-ass white dudes who have been driven insane by their kids doing TikTok dances. King Lear is just The Righteous Gemstones but with more women and fewer monster trucks. Every male British actor over forty is forced by gunpoint to tell the media that it’s their dream to one day play the lead in King Lear. Whether that’s true or not is beside the point. The role of King Lear is considered to be one of the greatest roles for old dudes that there is. Either that or getting your own version of Taken. Be careful though, this play is wildly grim and has a pretty dark outlook on humanity. Fitting of the times I guess.

4. The Tragedy of Macbeth

“The Scottish Play” my ass. Just say Macbeth. For those of you not indoctrinated into the various bits of theater superstition, you’re not supposed to spak the name of this play. Theater people are weirdos. Anyway, Macbeth rules because it has witches in it. Plus the phrase “Out, damned spot! Out” is just fun to say. Also, there is a character named MacDuff, which is super rad. Anyway, this play is about a man and wife who are driven insane by ambition and end up dead. Pretty chill. Check out the Joel Coen version. It’s dope.

3. Henry V

This is the only good history play by Shakespeare. Sorry, but it’s true. Even if Falstaff is a great character, most of the plays he is in are basura. I say pooh-pooh to the critics who love Henry IV, Part 1. Pooh-pooh! Plays don’t need sequels! Put that all into one thing man. More to the point, Henry V rips. “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more” baby. Nothing better to shout to yourself when you’re doing something stupid in a video game. Trust me. It’s a shame that they don’t include a full reenactment of the Battle of Agincourt in this, but you can still imagine it in your head.

2. A Midsummer Night’s Dream

In my high school’s production of this, I played a random elf that had no lines. Close to the height of my acting career.[3] Despite the absolute travesty of my casting - I would have made a great Tom Snout - this is still one of the best Shakespeare plays. It includes the play within a play thing that Shakespeare loved so much, but unlike in Hamlet, it does not lead to the deaths of a bunch of people. So that’s nice. Also, Puck is one of the greatest characters ever. Good stuff.

1. The Comedy of Errors

This is the best Shakespeare play because it really pisses holier-than-thou Shakespeare nerds off. When I was in high school, I was a partial theater-nerd and went on two field trips to Stratford, Ontario which holds a yearly Shakespeare fest.[4] One of those years, I believe my senior year, the fest put on The Comedy of Errors. It’s a full-on farce of a play, full of slapstick, dumb puns, mugging, fart jokes, etc etc. People literally booed it, despite the performance being quite good - at least in my opinion. I will forever love it for that. People always think Shakespeare is like a high art, but that guy really loved a good joke about big butts. That’s why he’s stayed in the popular conscience so long.

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[1] Taylor Swift, Arctic Monkeys, Fall Out Boy probably (I’m just going to assume this is true and not actually check), and a million others.

[2] I mean, I’m hoping it doesn’t happen. I can’t guarantee it.

[3] The real height was playing the lawyer in Tartuffe who has a short monologue.

[4] Thanks for shelling out for that Mom and Dad!

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